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Monday, February 05, 2007

Thanks for visiting. I am no longer updating Notes to Self. I hope you'll join me on my current website,

Who's that girl?

The reason I haven't posted since last week is because my girlfriend Lennie made me get a myspace page (see Mom Gone Wild link on sidebar), which sent me into a spiral of despair, confusion and possibly early menopause.

I tried telling Lennie that myspace, like fruit-shaped cereal, is for kids. But she insisted I would fit right in. I am extremely suggestible. If all my friends were jumping off a bridge, I would absolutely be right behind them. Within forty-five minutes of Georgia telling me she had strepp the other day, I felt my throat closing over. So on Thursday morning, with the schools cancelled because there had been a snowflake, I ventured in. It was extremely disorienting at first, like going to a rave, or shopping at Old Navy. Flashing lights and loud music. I groped around blindly until I found a code generator and was able to pull together a myspace page, all the while wondering, what in the hell am I doing? Like I haven't split my creative focus enough already. Such is the life of the ENFP.

For those of you who have not myspaced, it is like a Playboy playmate questionaire, or temp agency application. You are prompted to list your interests, vital statistics, inclinations and other personal details. It was a lot of pressure. I had to choose a song, a music video and a photograph. It was a little like planning my own funeral. For the video, I used our family Rock Star. I flipflopped on the theme music, settling on the Shins new single, but if I ever go back in, I will likely change it again. As for the photograph, it was challenging to find something recent that didn't scream Mom. I needed to be wearing something without mucus on it.

I settled on a photo taken last year, on the night I retired my Super Heroine Dress, my favorite and most outrageous get-up of all time. I found it in a secondhand store in 1996, and am wearing it in the above snapshot from about that time, taken in the parking lot of the blues shack where I worked (as a waitress, in case the five-inch heels mislead you into thinking I had a job as an exotic dancer — that, I did for free at the after hours club, after five or six bourbon-and-cokes). Although the Super Heroine Dress is not visible under my fringe leather coat, you can get the overall vibe. A picture of the actual dress is posted on the myspace page and here, at my friend Kathy's online gallery (I would adore a signed print of this for my wall, if anyone felt like impulsively buying me a present).

Within a few hours of creating my myspace profile, I had an offer to go have "drinks" from some Michael Scott-type who said he was coming through town on business. This caused me to play up the married-with-kids-church-lady angle that I was trying to play down in my photograph. My About Me section reads like a Mormon caught at a strip club...I am just there to save souls.

Once I had my myspace page complete, it turns out there was absolutely nothing left to do. As far as I can tell, the sole purpose of myspace is to find someone you know and send them a message that says, "Hey! You're on myspace! I'm on myspace too!" And then you do the cyber equivalent of staring into your drink, pretending to enjoy the pounding music and strobe lights. Unless I am missing something, that seems to be the extent of it. Kids today.

Well, there I was with all my mixed feelings about the Dress, and growing older, and being more and more Out of It. So I spent the weekend writing about it, thinking I would post those thoughts here. But it turned into something bigger, so I am looking for a home for it elsewhere. Also, some money would be nice. Business has been kind of slow, and I might have to locate those shoes.



Anonymous erthsister said...

Your description made me laugh. Hee hee! Yes! I had the same [claustrophobic] reaction to myspace. All flashing lights, bad typography choises, and trying to look hip. Plus, many people's pages are so huge that they try to crash my browser. I know, I know: Old Fogey Alert! I actually did put up a page once upon a time, but now for the life of me, I can't find it again! Whatever was my username and login? lol

But brave of you to venture forth. Wait, you mean that's not the dress right there???? lol :)

9:12 AM  
Anonymous Christina Shaver said...

Just found your blog AND just found myspace. I have those same weird feelings. I couldn't take the pressure and have bailed on "my space" even though I just started it last week!! I'm just not into popularity contests. That's so 1985.

9:43 PM  
Blogger jen lemen said...

yay. now we can be myspace friends too. i am such an old fuddy duddy over there, but i like seeing what all the youngsters are up to. if it's any comfort someone told me that the fastest growing demographic on myspace is our age group. who knew?

10:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

man, you are one vain chick. I thought you were about your writing.

10:38 PM  
Blogger Kyran said...

"A man who is unconscious of himself acts in a blind (e.g., anonymous—ed.), instinctive way and is in addition fooled by all the illusions that arise when he sees everything that he is not conscious of in himself coming to meet him from outside as projections upon his neighbour."

Kids, don't make me come back here and quote Jung at you again.

Jen, Christina and Erthsister, thanks for the support in my time of fuddy-duddiness. :)

8:09 AM  
Blogger jellis said...

Funny post. If this is a taste, I want the ENTREE.

Good luck and let us know how it goes with publishing your piece. Would love to read the unabridged version some day.

11:06 AM  
Blogger Jonivan said...

...ding..ding..ding...round one...

I was introduced to myspace by a friend I worked with...initially if you would have asked me if I would have ever started an account i would have given a sarcastic "oh yeah, right". But for me(a person with very limited web page making skills to say the least) it provided a way to get (hopefully) honest opinions on songs/music that i write...its weird though I have found ALMOST every friend from past and present on it....which is great but it is definately a strange way to communicate with old friends. Maybe one day I'll just make a web page for my stuff instead...who knows.

1:35 PM  
Blogger Kyran said...

Jonivan, I just can't figure out how you communicate on it, and I am too old to try. Now that I have these "friends", what do I do with them? And how do I get people I don't know or want to know to stop sending me messages??

The whole experience is seizure-inducing. I doubt I'll go back, but I'm so glad you've crossed over the generation gap to visit me here :)

10:36 AM  
Blogger Betty said...

Thanks for the warning! Not needing any more reminders of my age, I'll be sure to avoid myspace.

This is my first visit, and I really like your blog.

11:22 AM  
Blogger Jonivan said... is like a new form of Spam except in your inbox...I had a personal page but I deleted I only exist there for my songs. I think you pretty much hit it on the head with your comment about staring at each other with the music pounding...i believe that the true attraction is a form of voyeurism. People can look and see only what others want them to see, which adds to a false sense of "catching up". I dont know...everybody and their Mother has a profile these days..hahaahh get it?

I have a thing for bad jokes.

9:42 AM  
Blogger Jonivan said...

p.s. I try to travel across all kinds of gaps but sometimes I just end up looking like an ass.

9:44 AM  
Blogger Kyran said...

J, not this time :)

10:06 AM  

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