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Thursday, February 14, 2008

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The Great Blood Sugar Crash of '08

Those of you with school age children know that Valentine's Day is second only to Hallowe'en on the glycemic disaster index. Every valentine card the kids exchange today will have at least one piece of high fructose smack attached in some way to Jack Sparrow's or Darth Vader's or Dora's sinister, leering face.

When did this start? Is it an American thing? When I was a kid about a thousand years ago, it was enough to exchange painstakingly chosen cut-out Valentine's from a book that contained not one licensed, trademarked character. You chose the plainest, slightly backhanded ones for the kids you didn't like, and the most ornate, gushing ones for the kids you did, and we gave it to each other straight up, without the orgiastic euphoria of corn syrup solids to cloud things.

I think this Valentine's Day post from last year bears repeating, if only as a cautionary tale.

Of course, Mum always did have a little heart-shaped box of Ganong chocolates waiting for us on our bedside tables when my sister and I woke up. I had to keep up the tradition with little Chinese take-away boxes filled with M&Ms.

And now I have to send this email:
Dear Ms. First Grade Teacher.,

First grader woke up early this morning and got into the Valentines' chocolate before I could regulate it. Consequently, he is kind of wired.

Sorry about that, and good luck.

Kyran

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8 Comments:

Blogger lenniekat said...

Exactamundo. Which is why I made myself the official home room mother of my 1st graders class. After witnessing the Holiday Party bottom-feeder Sam's Club refined sugar extravaganza, I decided V-Day would be totally different and homemade. I'm doing bran muffins with chocolate chips, almond butter balls dipped in organic chocolate, cheese and crackers, and a variety of fruit. Oh, and bottled water. Can you feel the love?

8:32 AM  
Blogger Wendy Tatum. On a good day. Maybe. said...

You write beautifully. I have enjoyed your blog and will bookmark it for sure. I also have chosen a few posts to forward friends. I too am a writer in the American South, and you're right, there is no lack of material. Thank goodness. Best of luck to you.

Wendy
wendytatum.blogspot.com

9:25 AM  
Blogger jennifer h said...

There's nothing better than getting hopped up on chocolate before 8 a.m.

9:54 AM  
Blogger vfg said...

My daughters made soap for theirs. Heart shaped. Glittery & pink. With this note:

show some love!
fight infection with superstar soap
imacraftartist.blogspot.com

♥ happy valentine's day from marian

It was, I thought, appropriate from a girl with a wonky immune system to a sniffling winter class.

[and I hope the pink and the glitter make up for the party-pooperness of it. my chicas thought 'twas grand]

11:22 AM  
Blogger Mike Golch said...

Just came to visit from bipolarlawyercook's site.And yes it eons ago when I was kid also,I remember those cards.that you gave to the not so nice kids,it seems that I gave more of them away that the good kind.I had seizures as a child and was made fun of a lot,so the back handed came out at valentines day.
I hope that you and all in blogland had a great Valentines day.

11:26 PM  
Blogger Marie said...

Oh yes. I do remember that post from last year! The massive sugar buzz of the holiday makes me a little nervous. And even more so as it applies to the average child's experience these days. No advice, just sympathy!

11:26 PM  
Blogger bluebird of paradise said...

my funny valentine, you make me smile....

8:18 AM  
Blogger HRH said...

so true and funny. the picture is precious.

6:34 PM  

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