Internet Explorer users may need to widen their browser windows to span all three columns. Or download Firefox.


Friday, January 09, 2009

Thanks for visiting. I am no longer updating Notes to Self. I hope you'll join me on my current website, PlantingDandelions.com

Adventures in Social Media, Part II:
A Woman Walks Into a Bar...

facebook

You walk into a bar. Music is playing. There are clusters of people talking. Someone is walking around passing out flowers. A few patrons are playing scrabble at a table. A strange woman runs up and hugs you a little too hard.

"Remember me?"

"Uh, no."

"You and my older sister were in kindergarten together! For two months! And then we moved across the country, and I never saw you again! Wow, you're old now! Look, here's a picture of my Yorki-Poo!"

Just then you spot someone...no, it couldn't be...is it? Yes!

"Excuse me," you say, wriggling away from Ms. Yorki-Poo. "I think I see someone I know."

Sitting at a table are your three best friends from high school. You haven't spoken to them in years. It's great to see them. You're gushing over photos of each other's husbands and kids, when the bartender brings over a drink.

"It's from that gentleman over there," he says, pointing back to the end of the bar.

That sip of White Russian sputters through your nose as you choke. It's your pothead ex-boyfriend from college, flanked by a couple of strippers. You'd duck, but it's too late. He's raising his drink to you. And who's that behind him? Your family priest? Oh God, don't let them meet each other.

Someone taps your shoulder.

"Sweetie?"

You spin around. "MOM???? What are YOU doing here?"

"I was just having the nicest chat with this person who said they saw you in a magazine. I told her everything about you!"

She's drinking a White Russian, and looks past you to wink at your ex.

You run for the exit, but zombies and vampires are blocking the way, poking you.

"Welcome to Facebook," they cackle. "You can login, but you can never leave."

Labels:

21 Comments:

Blogger Suburban Turmoil said...

This? Is brilliant!

9:23 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

So true. It's the most bizarre feeling. It feels wrong, but I'm compelled to click on the photos, exam friend lists - then I feel like I need to take a shower. Slimy.

9:36 AM  
Blogger Jenny said...

Echoing Suburban Turmoil . . . this will now be the image in my mind whenever I log into facebook.

11:17 AM  
Blogger Chookooloonks said...

About "you can never leave" -- you ain't lyin', either. I canceled my account, and I *STILL* got e-mail updates.

I finally gave up and rejoined. But I find Facebook slightly evil.

11:27 AM  
Blogger Misbehaving said...

I created my own facebook and Myspace accounts years ago because I wanted to keep an eye on what our teenage children were doing on-line. Now that two of them are in college they still tolerate me peeking into their world from time to time, but now I find a kind of detached amusement to it all. Come on.....455 friends?? Whatever happened to the old addage......Quality - not Quantity?

PS. IMHO You and Heather Armstrong are not in the same league.

11:32 AM  
Blogger Suzanne said...

I wonder if Twitter is like this as well...receiving updates from people you don't really care about or what they are doing...it brings new contemplations about the meaning of privacy and private space...or maybe some people need less of that than others? Or consider their lives performance space?

11:33 AM  
Blogger Joy! said...

heehee! This is too funny! Because it is like that - melding all sorts of contacts from your life. And in unexpected combinations. A little scary at times. That's why I keep the blog(s) separate.
Well imagined. :)

1:08 PM  
Blogger Geoff Meeker said...

You just nailed it. And you haven't reached that phase where your children are lurking your profile, lecturing on your use of the F word and such...

1:11 PM  
Blogger Suzanne said...

This Is Too True!
I was on facebook all day yesterday... most of my friends are in the flood zone in the NW.

1:30 PM  
Blogger Caroline said...

You totally nailed it. :)

1:48 PM  
Blogger Dana said...

agh - this is what I worried about for so long an thus resisted the beast...then succmbed - temptation is a wicked thing.

Thankfully the mix has not been too bad so far....

2:22 PM  
Blogger Tere said...

This is the perfect description! I am a recent facebook (and twitter)addict and just enjoying the experience right now. But you nailed it.

4:33 PM  
Blogger Elle said...

Too too true. I love it and I hate it all at once. And I check it a zillion times a day. It's an addiction.

6:43 PM  
Blogger Paul said...

I've noticed this about Facebook. I signed up and ever since I get messages that I don't usually want or even understand. Like people sending me good karma - something I'd previously thought just kind of wafted around in the air and didn't require a computer. And you never had to delete that good old fashioned kind of karma.

Hmm - my word verification says "stenet." I read this as "It's the net" - as in "That's the internet for ya."

Must have been good karma, probably via Facebook.

I'm struggling to connect the dots in my alternative belief system. Thank you for this post.

6:49 PM  
Blogger Tracey said...

Absolutely, 100% accurate. Though my mom isn't on.

Yet.

11:33 AM  
Blogger paintandink said...

Soooo funny. And my mom is on.

Although I am not reaaaally trying to escape, because for someone who moves as much as I do, and hates talking on the phone, Facebook has been a miracle...

4:58 PM  
Blogger Busymomma66 said...

I know I've become an addict. I've only sought out a few people who we're very gladly got back in touch. I've "ignored" a few others--I'm not going to facebook my acquaintances parents just because they requested it.

BTW--We share the same birthday and decade--Happy Belated Birthday!!

11:08 AM  
Blogger Patrick said...

Fifty-eight messages in a FB Inbox? I would say that is approaching some serious Facebook adaptation. Or addiction.

I suppose, in response to all the FB hatin' out there, if you choose to leave your profile publicly viewable, then yes, Facebook creates a sense of personal privacy violation and a feeling that it crosses the line between what should be public and what should be kept off-limits.

There are those who "collect" friends as a kind of monument to their online, pseudo-popularity and typically, these people are fairly vacuous to begin with. Ignore them. Honestly, unless you are just marketing a product, who needs 750 "friends" in life?

Facebook is like a dinner party. Choose those you would like to spend time with wisely. Don't invite those who don't mesh... especially your pothead ex-boyfriend from college and your priest (unless, of course, your priest *likes* getting baked). It is, after all, your party.

4:42 PM  
Blogger Elaine at Lipstickdaily said...

OMG - - my pothead ex-boyfriend is already on my FB page! This was hysterical - - thank you! http://lipstickdaily.com

4:50 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

This is so true. I started out on Facebook as a way to share photos with my SIL. The more I stayed on, the more it turned into highschool. I hated it. I haven't been on in over 3 weeks, and I don't plan on going back.

11:52 AM  
Blogger Tracy` said...

I'm not sure how, but one day I accidentally invited my entire gmail to facebook. So, whenever one of them gets an account, they are automatically my friend. So far, it's been my realtor, the secretary at my kid's school, a few of my sister's friends and some people I just can't place that I probably bought something off on eBay.

I should just defriend them, but it seems peevish.

11:56 AM  

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

<< Home