Your Song Playing?

Plain and short, last week kicked my ass. To give you an idea, I spent all day Monday stuck on one sentence of my manuscript. Spring break, winter vacation, and allergy season (you try to focus when all the oxygen going to your brain has been displaced with tree pollen) have put me behind word count. It's nothing I can't make up, but enough to turn on the pressure.

My solution? Increase the pressure. My self-talk most of the week went something like this: NO SUGAR! EARLY BEDTIME! MORE EXERCISE! WRITE HARDER! WRITE FASTER! WRITE NIGHTS! WRITE WEEKENDS! DOUBLETIME! GO! GO! GO!

So very conducive to creativity.

While I was writing myself this prescription, the universe was writing its own. A friend showed up with a bottle of wine. Another took me to lunch. I was ambushed by a sale at Ann Taylor Loft. Patrick told my inner drill sergeant to stand the hell down. Repeatedly.

Finally, I surrendered. I took a sick day Friday. I had some fun with the kids and did a few chores Saturday. I went to church for the first time in a lot of Sundays. I ignored my manuscript.

This morning, I woke up way too early and realized I was having that "crap, it's Monday" feeling about getting back to it. Hold the freaking phone. When did I start treating my dream like it's a cubicle job? I think somewhere way in the back of my belief system, there's a rotten notion, like an old pair of gym shoes, that says if I'm getting paid for it, it has to be really hard.

One of my favorite movies of all time is the much-maligned Joe vs. the Volcano, because I think it's such a great little fable about expectations and how they color our reality. Plus, Abe Vigoda! You know the first act, before Joe leaves his desk job, and it's all shot in blue-grey? My attitude last week.

I needed a reboot. Instead of marching myself grimly to my desk this morning and buckling down, I put on fresh coffee, plopped down in my chair and fired up Itunes. "Get up now, baby, it's your song playing," The Weepies cajoled.

Oh yeah, I thought, beginning to peck at the keyboard. It is. Blue-grey brightened to warm color.

I even grooved a little in my seat. It's been way too quiet around my desk lately. Played at low volume, the tunes cancelled out the drill sergeant. I think I need a whole playlist dedicated to that task—songs that are stirring, without being demanding. Suggestions?